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Surrender

Do you believe that life is a struggle and that you have to fight to get what you want? Do you worry about losing control of your health, wealth, relationships and career? If you said yes to either of these questions, this may be because you have a strong belief that is holding you back from attaining the life you want. Bottom line, it is keeping you from enjoying happiness and ease on a daily basis.

Limitations

Whenever you experience limitations in your life, the cause is most likely rooted in your past. It shows up today as patterns and in thoughts such as “I always struggle with…”, “I can never realize…”, “I must be…”. These experiences of struggle and of feeling “less-than” go against your natural state of infinite joy, love and resourcefulness.

Consequently, this struggle and the feeling of no control causes anxiety or even panic. What would it be like if you could see and do life differently, without anxiety or panic? What if you were willing to surrender and give up the struggle so that you could achieve peace now?

Surrender

Surrender means that you are willing to turn your focus off of the struggle and the outcome that you think you so desperately want, and you become willing to consider that there may be a different approach. Just going that far will give you a sense of peace and freedom almost instantly. When you take your focus off of the end result that you are fixated on, what shows up in your awareness is a new perspective, new options and new alternatives. A way forward begins to come into view that before was obstructed by your beliefs.

Since many of us were told repeatedly by our caregivers and other influential people that hardship and sturggle is the only way to support ourselves and our families, that has become the only way that we see the world. It is the lens that we see the world through. Suffering and sacrifice seem like the only way to achieve happiness. Guess what, that is not truth!

Making a decision to experience life, with all of its ups and downs, without fighting so desperately for the way we think things should go, can bring us exactly what we are looking for – peace right now.

Yes, the world is going through turbulent times, but it doesn’t have to be a struggle. We may be experiencing suffering in some areas however, we still have the power to choose how we show up, how we think, and to have openness about the experience. We still are creative and resourceful creatures. By surrendering to the experience, we set ourselves up to perceive and experience differently. The amazing realization is that we gain control by letting go.

Let’s Connect

If you are curious about how my coaching services can teach you how to surrender and how to put an end to limiting beliefs, sign up for a complimentary consultation.

And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

To our Health and Wellbeing,

Karen

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Release Your Emotions and Redirect Your Thoughts

What emotions should I be feeling given what is going on in the world today? Given the level of uncertainty and unpredictability in our environment, it is appropriate and proportional to be feeling fear, overwhelm and anxiousness. These emotions appear when we feel our wellbeing is under threat. And who isn’t feeling that their life, health, and livelihood is under attack? What we want to watch out for however, is to not linger in these negative emotions for long periods of time.

So, what can we do to manage our emotional state? My suggestion is to apply two approaches that together, can move you gently and effectively out of negativity.

Approach #1:  Releasing

This step involves having awareness of what emotions you are feeling and accepting those emotions fully. Be careful not to shame yourself or call yourself down for having a negative emotion.

Just have awareness and appreciation for the awareness.

Next, recognize where or what triggered these negative emotions. Realizing what the trigger was is valid so that you avoid or reduce these triggers in the future and therefore increase the chances of staying out of negativity.

The last and most important step is to release your negative emotions. You can do this by a number of productive actions such as journaling, meditation, breath work or distracting yourself with a good book or movie.

Approach #2:  Redirect

In this next step, you are choosing to redirect your thinking to better feeling thoughts and therefore calm down any negative emotions. Be sure to choose sources for your information that are reliable and truthful. This is one of the best things you can do to redirect your thoughts.

Just like choosing organic produce to feed your body, you want to feed your mind with well-researched, balanced news facts.

Secondly, you want to recognize when you have consumed enough information and that additional information will not helpful or healthy. Be sure to avoid over-indulging in information and facts. This is the same as not wanting to over-indulge in food at a buffet table to avoid making yourself sick.

And lastly, choose to redirect your thoughts to any better feeling thought. Choose to think about the beauty of your family, the appreciation you have for your pets, the improvement of the weather now that spring is upon us, the deliciousness of your last meal, etc. Think about anything that makes you feel better. This redirection of your thinking will naturally pull your emotions out of negativity and into positivity and possibility.

By releasing your emotions and redirecting your thoughts in a conscious and conscientious way you can effectively manage your emotional state and move through any powerful external event.

Let’s Connect

If you are interested in knowing how my coaching can help you manage your emotional state so that you are experiencing more joy and less fear, sign up for a complimentary consultation.

And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

To our Health and Wellbeing,

Karen

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It’s All In Your Imagination

Sitting in my home office and looking outside my window onto the street below I see the neighbourhood children playing. The boys are practicing their basketball skills, each imagining that they are the next Kawhi Leonard. A group of younger girls are kneeling down together as they draw a colourful game of hopscotch on the sidewalk with chalk.  Farther down the street I can see a lemonade stand being attended to by a bunch of cheerful want-to-be entrepreneurs.

Remember When We Were Children?

Taking all of this in has made me wonder, when did I stop using my imagination and why? When was the last time I imagined that I was the “star” player, an artist, or even a successful entrepreneur?

As we grow up and move into our teenage and then adult years, we begin to stop “pretending”. We begin to believe that we need to take life seriously. Many of us get repeated messaging from adults like, “get your head out of the clouds”, “quit dreaming” or “act serious”.

Imagination is a Gift

This move away from using our imagination does us a disservice in the long run for it is our imagination that keeps life interesting. It is in our imagination where new ideas flourish, we solve our problems in unique ways, and where we develop our self-confidence. Imagining ourselves successfully facing a job interview or nailing a work presentation, or even imaging ourselves enjoying a first date wires our brain with the necessary neurology to execute that act exactly as desired.

Actively using our imagination also turns on positive, super-charged chemicals in our brains and we get an immediate lift in how we feel in the moment. And the more we run the imaginary events over and over again in our brain, the better and more positive and confident we feel and the probability of the positive result actually occurring goes up exponentially. And isn’t it better to live in an imaginary world of positivity than rooted in fear or anxiety?

This gift that we have of imagination is just that, a gift for it is what separates us humans from most other forms of life on this planet. No other animal has the ability to garner imagination. Only us humans can look forward, plan, and “see” our imagined future from where we stand today.

We must stop assuming that imagination is only for children.  It is for anyone who wants to set goals, achieve results, or generally become happier in life.

Let’s Connect

How can you practice imagination today?  What in your life can you build an imaginary story around?  What’s stopping you from imagining – nothing!

And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our Health and Wellbeing,

Karen

Anxiety vs Anxiety Disorder

Do you feel unsettled? Have you spent the night tossing and turning in your bed because you can’t sleep? Do you worry excessively? Are you feeling exceptionally stressed and rattled lately? Is something hindering you from functioning properly and being productive? If yes, then you are most likely experiencing anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with being anxious. Everyone gets anxious at some point in their lives, especially before big events. However, if your anxiety drags on for days and affects your daily living, then it is a problem.

What is Anxiety?

Many people use the word anxiety freely. But what really is it?
Anxiety is a strong emotion that is characterized by worrying, nervousness, and being uneasy because of something that is uncertain. How easy it is to define in words, but if you are the one experiencing the anxiety, you know it is not easy or simple.

The Fight or Flight Response

The strong emotion called anxiety is actually related to our fight or flight response. This means it is perfectly normal for a person to feel agitated, nervous, worried or experience difficulty sleeping – especially before a big event.
What is it exactly? It traces back to when man roamed the surface of the Earth endlessly to hunt for food and find a safe place to live. Our ancestors, being exposed to a life of endless running and endless hunting just to survive, developed the fight or
flight response. It is the body’s natural response to when we sense danger.
When our ancestors felt threatened, their bodies released several hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to help them prepare physically in case they needed to fight or run. Our body releases hormones that are meant to keep us physically, yet temporarily, well-equipped – like making our hearts beat faster for better blood circulation. These hormones also make us more alert to our surroundings. And once the threatening situation is out of the way, our bodies start to relax by releasing hormones that encourage muscle relaxation.
If you have experienced an adrenaline rush you must have felt how your whole body shook after the adventure. This normally happens as the body is relaxing the muscles.
Anxiety becomes a problem when it is overwhelming and constant. it may hamper everyday living by making it impossible to eat, sleep, concentrate, and even do our jobs. It is a disorder, a mental health diagnosis, when excessive and significant worry, apprehension and fear are present.

Anxiety Can Be Lethal in the Long Run

Although the symptoms of anxiety will not kill you, the long-term effects of living with stress hormones turned on can lead to life-threatening illnesses. The best thing that you can do for yourself, your family and those you love is to get help with how you manage your anxiety. Therapeutic approaches have proven to be extremely effective in generating life-long elimination of anxiety.

Let’s Connect

My personal journey away from a decade destroyed by anxiety is now my motivation to help others. You can read about my story or listen to my podcast (both can be found on my website). I explain how I discovered the miracle of neurolinguistics and belief-change modalities. My hope is that you find it inspiring and motivational so you can also turn away from anxiety disorder forever.I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Why do we Self-Sabotage?

It has been a difficult start to 2019 for me.  

began the year doing all of the necessary things to ensure that I was starting off on the right foot – I set goals, I outlined strategies, I made detailed plans, and I landed on targets for both my personal and business life and yet…. for some reason, I have completely ignored my personal goals. I have been blocking myself from doing what it is that I want to do for my own health and well-being. My self-sabotaging behaviour, which has looked very much like shooting myself in my own foot, is preventing me from being my best, healthiest self.    

I am baffled as to why I am doing this kind of self-sabotage behaviour and I am also very interested and motivated to stop it. I know that one of the easiest ways to self-sabotage yourself is to NOT set clear, specific goals. Not having clarity or precision on where you are going allows you to convince yourself easily that your goal is not important. This however was not where I am letting myself down. I have clear and well-defined targets. So why am I not achieving them? After some reflection, I have come up with three reasons.  

I am doing too much 

I am realizing that I am doing too much as it relates to my commitments to others and therefore I am feeling like I am running on empty. I am putting myself last too often and when I have time for myself it consequently feels like a chore instead of something that is enjoyable and a well-deserved treat. 

I am over-blending 

When I am not working, I need to not work. When I am taking time off, I need to completely unplug, thus allowing myself the time and leisure to enjoy self-care. By taking up bits of time on my days off to fit in some work duties here and there, I am actually chewing into the opportunitfor me to explore what it is that I want to do for myself. What I want to do is not always obvious. Some days I want to go for a walk. Other days I want to visit a friend. Some days I want to go shopping or get myself to a yoga class. These decisions need to be fully explored and by jamming my off days with busy work at every opportunity, I am not giving myself the time to investigate.  

I am managing stuff that isn’t mine 

When I step outside of my own business and try to control things in other people’s lives, I start to feel disempowered. And rightfully so because outside of our own lives, I have no power to affect anything else. This activity is wasting my precious time and energy, and is leaving me depleted and not excited about doing anything for my own self-care.  

So with these revelations and the honest self-talk that comes with them,  I have decided to change my approach to my personal goals around self-care. I am going to set clear and consistent boundaries with others ensuring that I am preserving and protecting my energy and time. I am also going to begin to block off time and respect that it means that I am off of work completely. No more sneaking into my office to look at emails or complete a half-done article. And lastly, I am going to come back to my own business. I am going to focus only on things that are in my arena to manage – within my power to control like: my actions, my perspectives, and my attitudes. 

Are you self-sabotaging? Are you struggling with indulgences like procrastination, distraction, overwhelm? Can you realize that when we say we want something and we don’t make sure it happens we are only hurting ourselves and preventing our own greatness? 

I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Are You Responding or Reacting?

Here is a question for you. In general, do you tend to respond or do you tend to react to life? At first you may say, “Aren’t they the same thing?” Actuallythey are not and how you perceive their difference can have a huge impact on how happy you areIt did for meOn my journey out of relentless anxiety, the above question about responding or reacting catapulted my transformation towards healing. 

My Journey 

When I started my journey out of anxiety, I was not even aware that every day I was choosing how I was thinking about my life. Wasn’t life just happening to me? I thought I was supposed to just respond to it in the best way I could? Wasn’t I just a helpless victim? I clearly saw my life as a random set of happenstances that I had to find a way to deal with the best I could. 

During my experience with transformational coaching, I began to see that my life was not a force outside of my control and by stepping up to the fact that I could always choose how I was going to respond to anything that was occurring, that I indeed had control of my life. In any situation, good or bad, I could always choose the most empowering response for myself. For the first time in my life, I felt both powerful and calm at the same time!  

The Hard Truth 

And then one day I was told something by my coach which was initially upsetting however it was exactly what I needed to hear, “Karen”, she said, “your life, as it exists today, is the sum total of all of the conscious and unconscious decisions you have made to date.” What? I was responsible for my shitty life! It took some time for me to accept this notion of responsibility fully and completely and when I finally did, it was liberating. As a matter of fact, it is perhaps the single most liberating thing I have ever done. I was off the hook for playing the victim. Although I didn’t like where I had directed my life to at that point, the single act of taking responsibility was empowering.    

The Responsibility is Ours 

To take full responsibility for both our past and current experiences is indeed empowering because when we blame others or situations, we are giving our power away. And when we do that, we are saying that something outside of ourselves is causing a reaction within us. When we take ownership of our response, even when others are at fault or are wrong, we control both our behaviour and our life’s direction. 

Over the years since my experience with transformational coaching, I have made a clear switch in my thinking.  Negative stuff still does happen and it happens to all of us, however it is how we respond, and how we view the circumstances and conditions that makes the difference between happiness and no happiness.    

Are you ready for happiness to show up?  And are you ready to respond and not react?  If you are, learn more about how transformational coaching can move you from victim to controller of your life. 

I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

What Does Anxiety Look Like?

what does anxiety feel like? personal breakthroughs nlp coaching aurora - It Can Be Different Karen Spencer

In this blog, we are going to explore what anxiety looks like, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our lives.  I am talking about anxiety that is not productive.  You know, the kind that keeps you up at night, that stops you in your tracks, that makes you and everyone around you crazy.

This unhealthy anxiety can strike at any moment and usually does.  It sometimes creeps into your life bit by bit, tapping you on the shoulder like a person trying to get your attention.  Or it can barge into your life like a house invader that just broke down the front door.  Throwing things around without regard for your feelings.  Totally unwanted and frightening.

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

When someone asks me what anxiety feels like, I generally talk about these symptoms.  You can feel panicky, unsure, irritable, jittery, numb.  Sometimes you become hypervigilant.  You can experience headaches, migraines, vomiting, nausea, clammy hands, clenched jaw, panting, trembling, racing heart, inability to speak or think clearly, breathlessness, tight chest or insomnia.  You can start performing repeated patterns such as scratching or picking at yourself and you can develop a sensitivity to light or sound.

Thoughts You Can’t Turn Off

You may also have repetitive thoughts that you cannot turn off, no matter how hard you try.  Random, flittering thoughts that are most likely negative and predict a worse-case scenario.  These thoughts tend to lead from one disaster to another such as “this will happen and then that will happen and then that will cause this to happen.

These stories that we tell ourselves are vivid and melodramatic with everything that could possibly go wrong occurring all at once.  These stories are always in the future and have nothing to do with the exact moment that we are living in.  Convoluted and detailed, they become ingrained in our current consciousness as if they were actually happening.

All of this thinking and imagining is so easily triggered and yet so very difficult to stop.

Difficult, But Not Impossible

With the latest techniques in neurolinguistics programming (NLP) and Timeline Therapy®, both the anxiety triggers and the resultant behaviours and feelings can be not only understood and managed but also eliminated.  Through identification of the root cause of the anxiety, the inherent anxious thoughts and beliefs that have been running repeatedly and unconsciously in our brains can be understood and replaced with more positive and productive thoughts.

This easy, effortless and quick change starts to have major and immediate positive impact on our day-to-day lives.  Joy and ease returns.  Life becomes easier.  Deep, restful sleep starts to become the norm.  Overall life becomes different, better, lighter…

Finding your anxiety triggers can change your life in profound ways

If you’re not reading this on my website, you can visit it here www.itcanbedifferent.ca for more information and to see how I can help you find your triggers so that you can imagine, believe and break through to a new, anxiety-free you.

You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen