Fear of Failure

Are you ready to take that step forward towards something new, untried, and adventurous? Do you find yourself imagining your desired future and then pulling back when it is time act? Why is it that some people see all the reasons why not to do something instead of all the reasons why to do something? 

To be able to embrace our future in ways different from our past, we must be ok with uncertainty, the unknown, and the untested. For a lot people however, the fear of failure is a huge barrier that holds them back from this new way of experiencing life. This is especially true for entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs are so closely entangled with their business that their identity and ego are immersed in their venture. When things do not go as they desired, it can feel that they are broken at their core. It can be devastating, and it can be paralyzing.    

With all the uncertainty that entrepreneurs face daily, it is a wonder that they get anything done at all. I know that as an entrepreneur myself, there are days that I feel smart and able to face anything. Other daysI am convinced that my ideas are stupid, doomed to fail and that I will never succeed. I believe however, that these two parts of me both serve a positive purpose. It is when one part plays a bigger role, drowning out the other part, that I need to pay attention. It is the cocktail of anxiety and nervousness mixed with excitement and anticipation that makes the best formula for me to go forward in a balanced way.   

Beware of Low Self-Esteem 

What we need to be on the look-out for however, is low self esteem. Low self-esteem can de-rail any effort. It is the belief that regardless of how hard you work, how many hours you put in, how much risk you take, you do not deserve success. This belief needs to be overcome and the best way to do this is to be aware of any negative thoughtsstopping them as soon as they are identified and replacing them with positive self-talk. I like to have about half a dozen positive statements about myself and my success pre-written and easily accessible on my phone. When I find myself stuck in negative thinking, I either read these positive statements or listen to my stored recording of myself saying them. then repeat them few times until I feel a shift in my mood.   

That Voice is NOT You 

Most of us have a naturally critical voice in our head. What we need to be aware of is fact that the voice is most likely not our own. It is probably the voice of either a parent, grandparent, past teacher or boss. What we need to do is identify where this voice is coming from and then decide if we want to let it go. We took on these beliefs of others most likely when we were a child and we were powerless. Now that we are adults, we are free to accept or reject them, recognizing they represent the opinions of others and we are allowing these opinions to shape our lives. 

So how can you use the dance between excitement and fear of failure to your advantage? Try these five ways to reframe fear and turn it into your friend rather than your foe. 

Figure Out Why You Want the Change:   

Ask yourself what it is exactly about your current life, job, relationship and so forth that you want to change. Knowing why you want to change will keep you motivated to go forward. 

Acknowledge the Fear:   

For many, fear stops any movement forward because nobody likes the feeling of fear. If you simply allow yourself to feel the fear when it shows up, you will notice that is quickly dissipates and suddenly life feels more manageable and less scary. 

Play Out the Worst-Case Scenario:   

This is one of my favourite strategies to keep moving forward. I ask myself what is the worst possible way that this could go. If I can handle whatever it is that I imagine, then I keep moving forward.  

Remember There is no Real Failure:   

Everything we do creates a result, so ultimately, there is no failure. There may be disappointment or unhappiness with the result however, it is important to take away information that you can use going forward, even if it is what not what you will do next time. 

Look at How Far you Have Already Come:   

If you honestly look back at your life, I am sure that younger you could not have imagined how far you have already come in your life or your business. Congratulate yourself on the process.  Recognize that there is unlimited number of versions of success.   

If you are interested in getting past any negative thinking and moving forward without self-defeating fear sign up for a complimentary consultation. 

Let’s Connect 

How can you practice imagination today?  What in your life can you build an imaginary story around?  What’s stopping you from imagining – nothing! 

If you are curious about how my coaching services can help you access your greater, unlimited self and move you away from a life of anxiety, sign up for a complimentary consultation. 

And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram. 

To our Health and Wellbeing, 

Karen 

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Anxiety vs Anxiety Disorder

Do you feel unsettled? Have you spent the night tossing and turning in your bed because you can’t sleep? Do you worry excessively? Are you feeling exceptionally stressed and rattled lately? Is something hindering you from functioning properly and being productive? If yes, then you are most likely experiencing anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with being anxious. Everyone gets anxious at some point in their lives, especially before big events. However, if your anxiety drags on for days and affects your daily living, then it is a problem.

What is Anxiety?

Many people use the word anxiety freely. But what really is it?
Anxiety is a strong emotion that is characterized by worrying, nervousness, and being uneasy because of something that is uncertain. How easy it is to define in words, but if you are the one experiencing the anxiety, you know it is not easy or simple.

The Fight or Flight Response

The strong emotion called anxiety is actually related to our fight or flight response. This means it is perfectly normal for a person to feel agitated, nervous, worried or experience difficulty sleeping – especially before a big event.
What is it exactly? It traces back to when man roamed the surface of the Earth endlessly to hunt for food and find a safe place to live. Our ancestors, being exposed to a life of endless running and endless hunting just to survive, developed the fight or
flight response. It is the body’s natural response to when we sense danger.
When our ancestors felt threatened, their bodies released several hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to help them prepare physically in case they needed to fight or run. Our body releases hormones that are meant to keep us physically, yet temporarily, well-equipped – like making our hearts beat faster for better blood circulation. These hormones also make us more alert to our surroundings. And once the threatening situation is out of the way, our bodies start to relax by releasing hormones that encourage muscle relaxation.
If you have experienced an adrenaline rush you must have felt how your whole body shook after the adventure. This normally happens as the body is relaxing the muscles.
Anxiety becomes a problem when it is overwhelming and constant. it may hamper everyday living by making it impossible to eat, sleep, concentrate, and even do our jobs. It is a disorder, a mental health diagnosis, when excessive and significant worry, apprehension and fear are present.

Anxiety Can Be Lethal in the Long Run

Although the symptoms of anxiety will not kill you, the long-term effects of living with stress hormones turned on can lead to life-threatening illnesses. The best thing that you can do for yourself, your family and those you love is to get help with how you manage your anxiety. Therapeutic approaches have proven to be extremely effective in generating life-long elimination of anxiety.

Let’s Connect

My personal journey away from a decade destroyed by anxiety is now my motivation to help others. You can read about my story or listen to my podcast (both can be found on my website). I explain how I discovered the miracle of neurolinguistics and belief-change modalities. My hope is that you find it inspiring and motivational so you can also turn away from anxiety disorder forever.I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Evening Routine For Better Sleep and Reduced Anxiety

Following a consistent routine before bedtime not only helps keep our stress levels low – but also boosts mindfulness, productivity, and results in better overall sleep.  

In my last blog post, I discussed the importance of starting our day off right by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness can be achieved by developing an acute awareness of our body and our surroundings with a sense of appreciation and calm.  In this blog, I will be examining how we can also end our day with mindfulness. By following a consistent and relaxing evening routine we will be able to get more of what we all crave – sleep. 

Stress Causes Insomnia  

Stress is one of the top reasons people experience insomnia. Remember – if you are struggling with insomnia you are not alone.  Around 30% of the adult population report that insomnia is a major factor in their life. It only takes one night of worry to see how stress directly impacts sleep.  The inability to mentally let go makes it difficult, if not impossible, to physically and mentally relax.  

Personally, when I experience worry or stress, getting sleep becomes a challenge. Missing sleep then creates more of what initially made sleep impossible – stress. This cycle can become quite debilitating and problematic – which is why developing a calming bedtime routine is so important.  It signals to our mind and our body that it is time to unwind and slow down. This can gently ease us into slumber – as opposed to trying to forcefully prod ourselves to sleep.  

A few relaxation techniques can be just what we need – especially when we are highly stressed and agitated. Below, I have outlined a few of my favourite bedtime rituals for mindful rest.  

Mindful Bedtime 

If you need to work in the evening, make sure you have some wind-down time before bed to avoid feeling tense. 

Limit your caffeine and alcohol intake, as this will make it harder to fall asleep. Instead, try drinking herbal teas, or a warm milky drink.  

It’s a good idea to have a warm bubble bath before bed, and not a heavy late-night meal or alcoholic nightcap –which can interfere with a sound sleep. This will in turn, lead to reduced anxiety the next day. 

Getting some fresh air and exercise may also help our body unwind. A stroll in the evening air, walking the dog, stretching, or yoga can help achieve the feelings of relaxation. 

Before Bed 

Before we tuck in, ensuring that our bedroom is a pleasant place to sleep in is vital – doing a quick tidy, even if its just putting things into piles can be especially helpful.  

Make a to-do list for the next day. This way, we can empty out our minds in readiness for sleep. 

It is also a good idea to lay out our clothes and pack a lunch so we are ready to go right away in the morning. All this preparation will undoubtedly help us relax and stop our minds from racing. 

Don’t listen to the news, or watch it less than an hour before bed. 

Ensure a calm sleeping environment, with no devices blinking and pinging to remind us of the stress of our work or social lives. And of course, we should try to avoid using electronic devices just before bedtime.  

Make sure the bedroom is as dark apossible, with no LED display lights, as these will interfere with sleep patterns.  

What bedtime routines do you use to quiet yourself? 

I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Social Anxiety

Anxiety can show up in many forms. One of these is the intense feelings of nervousness and uncertainty that can occur when meeting new people or going into social situations. This is known as social anxiety. If you are someone who deals with social anxiety, you should know you are not alone. Almost everyone experiences some sort of shyness or introversion when meeting someone new or being in a crowd of people. It’s a natural response to feel somewhat apprehensive. And one that is hardwired into us as a protection mechanism. However, sometimes those feelings can become overwhelming, even debilitating, causing people to stop living their lives to the fullest. It may even impair their ability to do their jobs, go to school, interact with neighbours or take positive actions towards their general wellbeing, like seeing their doctor or dentist.

What Lies Behind Social Anxiety

In many of my previous blogs, I’ve talked quite openly about dealing with anxiety for most of my life. Although my anxiety was intense and frequent, I never experienced social anxiety. My personal experience with anxiety showed up as intense worry about my future. It wasn’t until I was able to get help in identifying and removing my unhealthy unconscious limiting beliefs about my future that my anxiety was actually eliminated. I can however say with much

confidence that a similar approach of dealing with unconscious limiting beliefs would work well with social anxiety.

Underneath the exterior behaviour that usually accompanies social anxiety such as sweating, blushing, and the inability to speak is most likely an internal dialogue of thoughts like; I will look stupid, I will be laughed at, or I am unsafe. Most social anxiety comes from being hurt in the past, either through bullying or teasing. It is in those intense negative experiences that people make decisions (usually unconsciously) that either they deserved what happened because there is something wrong with them, or that being with all other people is actually dangerous.

It Can be Overcome

If you have social anxiety, you may find yourself avoiding going out with friends, applying for jobs or dating. Joining social clubs is totally out of the question. Sometimes people with social anxiety live online, as that feels so much safer. Having a connection online to either people or groups is a good start; however, it cannot replace the benefits of face-to-face connection.

The good news is that social anxiety is understood now more than ever. The anxiousness does not need to be hidden, and admitting to the struggle with social situations is so much more accepted.

Do you struggle with social anxiety? How do you manage your social anxiety? Are you willing to open up to the idea that there could be unconscious limiting beliefs that are holding you back from engaging fully with others? I invite you to join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

The Anxiety Mindset

If you have an anxiety mindset, you constantly turn over issues. You think about the future, and pick over the past. You analyze, worry, or ‘nit-pick; about what did happen or might happen. It’s exhausting, and ultimately unproductive. I know, because I did it for years. I constantly reviewed every scenario, past and future, in my mind and dissected them into tiny bits of useless information, which I then used to berate myself with.

Anxiety-prone people often ask “what if?” What if I take the highway and there’s a crash? What if it rains and I get wet? I might get pneumonia and die. What if I say something stupid? This kind of anxiety

is largely based on fear of the unknown, of taking risks, and of feeling unprepared or unable to deal with the unseen.

‘I Wonder’ Instead of ‘What If’

In order to stop myself from the habit of imagining the worst-case scenario of asking “what if” followed by the inevitable negative thought, I now ask “I wonder.” And I follow this up with a positive thought. So instead of thinking; what if I take the highway and there’s a crash? I would think; I wonder how smoothly and safely the traffic will flow on the highway today?

Instead of thinking; what if it rains and I get wet? I might get pneumonia and die. I would think; I wonder if it will rain. I’ll take my raincoat in case it does. That way I will stay warm and dry no matter what the weather does. This mindfulness technique directs my attention to the alternative outcome. One that is more productive, creative and optimistic. This simple change in thinking has had a profound effect on my level of anxiety, as well as that of my clients.

‘If Onlys’ and ‘Shoulda, Wouldas’

Another common phrase people who deal with anxiety struggle with is, “If only…” If only we had gotten up earlier, we wouldn’t have been delayed. If only I had a million dollars, then I wouldn’t have any money worries. If only I hadn’t eaten that cake, I wouldn’t have got sick or put on weight. This kind of anxiety is tinged with regret, and often disguises an underlying anger or resentment.

The third kind of anxiety mindset is “shoulda, coulda, woulda.” This type is about what you should have done, what could have been or what would have happened. This is the worst kind of negative mindset;

as it is a major way of beating yourself up for the past, the present and the future.

This mindset takes a huge amount of energy, and can become quite obsessive, as we worry away, trying to rewrite our history. Shoulda, coulda, woulda mindset can also be a passive-aggressive way of blaming other people. Either way, it usually erases positive thinking as you constantly try to change the past and the future without being able to live in the present.

Awareness Is the First Step

Regardless of what particular negative thinking you engage in that triggers your anxiety, awareness is the first step towards making a positive change. Pay close attention to your language for the next week. What sort of negative talk and thinking dominates? Once you can recognize it, you can start making changes.

As with everything and anything, it is the small first steps that move the momentum forward. Over time this awareness, coupled with the discipline of correction, will eliminate anxiety-breeding talk and replace it with more talk that is accepting and gentle.

I invite you to share ways you try to focus your talk in a positive way in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration. And if you’re looking for assistance overcoming those negative mindsets I’d love to chat.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Four Suggestions for a Stress-Free Christmas

The Christmas season is a time of seemingly endless gatherings with family and friends, celebrations at the office, and entertaining at home.  All of this anticipation can be exhilarating; however it can also be anxiety provoking due to the unrealistic expectation to create the “best Christmas ever.” The most wonderful time of the year can easily turn into the most exhausting time of the year. And this can lead to January burn out, regret and financial burden. I have come to appreciate how important planning and prioritizing is to reduce the probability of having a Christmas that is not all that jolly and actually a bit melancholy.

Here are some of my best suggestions for a stress free Christmas:

Set Realistic Expectations

The sooner you understand that the holidays don’t have to be perfect, the better. There is no perfect Christmas. That concept is reserved for the Hallmark TV  Channel only. Families change and grow and so traditions come and go. Choose the one or two celebrations that are meaningful enough to hold onto. Then allow space to create new traditions that serve your family as it is in the present.

Plan Ahead

As with all tasks, if you plan ahead the chances of success are higher than if you wing it. Christmas is no exception. Set aside specific days for activities like shopping, baking, visiting, decorating and so on. That will prevent last minute scrambling. Also, by having a plan you are more apt to say no to activities that would leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

Set a budget and stick to it!

Before you spend any money on the holidays, decide how much you can afford to spend and then portion that amount between all of the necessities such as gifts, food, entertaining, travel, etc. There is nothing more anxiety-provoking than the January credit card statements if December was managed poorly. Preplanning your spending and refusing to buy into the message: happiness is a mountain of presents, are necessary defences. Realize that there are a lot of ways to spend less money on gifts and yet still show that you care. Things like a gift exchange or Secret Santa is a great way to reduce the financial burden of gift giving. Homemade gifts are meaningful and can be very special to the person receiving them. Donating to charities is also becoming a popular alternative to actual store-bought presents.

Keep your health as a priority

All of your good work on health should not go out the window just because it’s December. Your routine might not be as strict as it usually is however that does not mean that you should just abandon your health goals. If you are watching what you eat, then use the  trick of eating healthy food before going to the holiday party to avoid overeating on sweets and appetizers. Also, incorporate some form of physical exercise into your routine each day and make sure that you’re getting the right amount of sleep.

By preplanning some simple, yet effective strategies for how to get through the holidays you can prevent anxiety and overwhelm from taking over this year. Identify what triggers cause you most the stress (financial or personal demands) and develop a plan of how to combat them. With some simple techniques and strategies, a joyful and anxiety-free Christmas can be enjoyed.

You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Happy Holidays!

Karen

Anxiety and Medication: What It Did, and Did Not Do for Me

Often I am asked what I think about anxiety medication, and if I believe it is the answer to eliminating anxiety. Whenever this happens, I always tell my story about what medication did and did not do for me.

Help When I Needed It

During the period of my life when I was suffering from chronic anxiety, unable to cut the cycle of fear and perceived danger everywhere, I turned to medication. Both my doctor and counselor at the time suggested that, based on my symptoms, medication was the only course of action that made sense for me:

  • The persistent ‘On’ position of my mind was putting pressure on my kidneys, heart and other organs.
  • My negative thinking was causing negative hormones like cortisol to flood my body, resulting in super-elevated heart rate and sleep deprivation.

The doctor told me how important it was not to underestimate the effects that chronic anxiety can have on one’s health; both short-term and long term.

My Anxiety “Aha” Moment: Time to Seek Treatment

The particular incident that led me to take anxiety medication was when I began to behave with obsessive tendencies. I was scheduled to go visit my daughter in the UK but the thought of the long flight was bringing on panic and claustrophobia. I was seriously considering not being able to endure the flight. And I was fretting about how I would hold my composure while confined on the plane. Flying had never been a problem for me before, however now my anxiety was taking that pleasure away from me. And the thought of not being able to see my daughter was too much for me to bear. I needed to do something.

I am eternally grateful to my doctor and counsellor for their advice regarding medication. It got me out of my downward anxiety spiral, and set me back on the path to life. I believe it may have even saved my life. It had its place and it did what it was supposed to do, alleviating my anxiety in a crisis situation. Calming me down, it allowed me to reclaim control of my life.

What Medication Didn’t Do

However, what I have also learned after years of taking medication is that it masks the symptoms; but does not solve the issue that is causing the anxiety. Whatever was causing my negative thinking, the what-ifs, the should-have’s, the yeah-but’s, only got silenced for a little while. The root problem was still lingering deep in my unconscious mind, unseen and unknown to me. And when I decided to come off of my medication, the negative thinking showed up again, louder and more persistent this time. My behaviour became even more erratic and more panicked than before.

My Journey Away from Anxiety and Medication

This time, my journey away from anxiety led me to seek non-medical ways of dealing with both the physical and psychological symptoms of my anxiety. I discovered a host of methods that helped remove the negative thoughts, so that anxiety would no longer be triggered. There is an increasing amount of evidence that acknowledges the benefits non-medical techniques have when dealing with the symptoms of anxiety. Methods such as mindfulness, alternative health therapies and talk therapies are proving to be powerful movements in this area.

There are many complimentary paths out of anxiety. Medication has it place and it keeps many safe while they are in crisis, like it did for me. The good news is that it is not the only way. There are new and evolving therapies that can help you put your life back together, and give you long-lasting change in a holistic manner. They can help you experience a different life, one where anxiety is a memory, not a reality.

I invite you to share your experience with anxiety. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Get Past Your Fear of Change

My last blog discussed why people are afraid of change. Why they opt to stay stuck, rather than push forward toward a new version of themselves. Feelings of discomfort, uncertainty, fear of criticism or failure were the main culprits. Now that we recognize why we resist change so much, the next question is how do we get past those feelings and start moving forward differently?

I have had some major times in my life where I knew that I needed to change, and change BIG, in order to get out of the mess I was in and to get to some place better. But I was scared of making those changes. I didn’t jump into the sea of change right away. I dodged and darted, avoiding what my intuition was telling me for months, even years. It was only when my life got so unhappy and unbearable that I accepted the challenge to make changes. I highly recommend not waiting to embrace change until life gets overwhelming like I did. It leads to chaos, many sleepless nights, and unrelenting anxiety.

I realize that choosing to stay right where you are, doing exactly what you’ve been doing, can provide temporary relief. You won’t need to worry about all of the “what-if…” scenarios. You won’t have the unknown future staring you in the face. But, if you never embrace change, especially the changes you know deep in your heart you need to make, then you will never know what might have been. And isn’t that scarier than the fear of change?

I have listed below six steps that will help you face change more easily in your life.

Embrace Risk

If you spend your life playing it safe, sticking to what you know, then your future will simply replay your past. Your future will be predictable and repeating. If, however, you dream of better or different, then see the risk as something that will enhance  your life. This different perspective can be hugely motivating and exhilarating. It can even open up space for change in your life.

Establish a Strategy

All good plans need a strategy. A strategy will make you feel comfortable about the course that you have chosen. Being prepared is necessary for all success in life.

Seek Advice (From the Right People!)

Find someone who has made changes in their life, especially if they are similar changes (ie. career changes, relationship changes). Ask them specifically why they made the change, how they did it, and how it made them feel. And then for the big question – ask them what they would they have done differently?

Put Your Supports in Place

One of the best ways to overcome the fear of change is to surround yourself with cheerleaders. People that are positive, inspiring and empowering. Reduce your time with the naysayers and Negative Nellies. To be successful, positive reinforcement and people who are authentically excited to hear about your journey can go a long way.

For Goodness Sake Don’t Look Back!

You are using your energy to build a new reality, looking back at how things used to be, does not allow for that muscle to develop. Looking back leads to second guessing and feelings of uncertainty. Stay away from analyzing what was. Focus on the goal of what you want and what will be.

Patience is a Virtue

Sometimes we want everything right away. Recognize that growth is an evolution, and it doesn’t happen overnight.

I have learned in my life that we are not dropped onto the perfect path. Sometimes we need to find our own way. The growth that comes from that journey and search can be the biggest reward ever. Combating the fear of change can be difficult. But don’t let that fear be the thing that holds you back from a life better than you could ever imagine.

I invite you to share your experience of overcoming the fear of change in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Fear of Change

We are only a few weeks away from the scariest of all nights of the year, Halloween. Although we joke and jest about Halloween, and the traditional acts of scaring others by dressing up as witches and warlocks, fear is not a joking matter for many. Fear is a real and daily demon.

Anxiety is intrinsically linked to our survival instincts. Giving it up seems inconceivable for many that suffer. Most people tell me they want to be less anxious, however when asked what they would like to do to change their anxiety, their response is, “But I hate change.”  What they are really saying is that they want the benefits of change, as long as they don’t have to make the actual changes. For them the fear of change is too great.

Change means that you have to do something new, amend your habits, develop new ways of thinking and create a new way of being. It’s about holding your own hand while you step into the unknown. There are no shortcuts or free passes.  The process requires that you get comfortable with being uncomfortable and with making sacrifices.

So why are we hardwired to be afraid of change even when we recognize that it would be good for us? Why do we fail at change over and over again?  And why do we procrastinate to make the changes that will lead us to a better, more fulfilled life?

Top Excuses that Prevent Change

Here are the top excuses I hear that keep people from moving forward with their lives:

I Will Be Uncomfortable

It is natural to fear discomfort.  It’s hardwired into us.  However, if you want change than you must recognize that you are already uncomfortable with your life, your health, your relationships, your career, or your finances. Moving towards a new way of living is simply about feeling uncomfortable in a different way, so you can get to where you truly want to be. Isn’t it more reasonable to opt for temporary uncomfortableness that will lead to positive changes versus being uncomfortable with a negative aspect of your being for the rest of your life?

I May Not Succeed

The fear of failure permeates all of our society in so many ways. It is wrapped up with feelings of embarrassment, humiliation, or awkwardness. Fear of failure keeps great ideas unfertilized and people stuck in routine and boredom. It takes courage to realize that this fear is irrational and to not bow to its pressure. Where would we be if Thomas Edison had succumbed to the fear of failure and did not attempt to invent the lightbulb over a thousand times! What great ideas are you backing away from because of your fear of failure?

It Takes Work

If you usually spend your life playing it safe and sticking within your comfort zone, you will miss all the possibilities of what could be. Risk enhances your life. However, taking risks involves effort. It takes effort to prepare for that new job interview, to learn that new skill, or to stop that unhealthy eating habit. Sometimes the biggest risk however, is making no effort to change your life at all.

Others May Criticize Me

Ignoring the criticism of others is a necessary skill to adopt, especially if you are serious about wanting to change your life. You must accept that others will laugh at you, criticize you and chastise you. The interesting fact is that the people who are doing the criticizing are often the ones who would rather sit on the sidelines. And they want you to sit on the sidelines with them. If you are serious about change, you will have to accept that comments, sometimes not nice ones, from others are inevitable.

I Don’t Know What The New Way Will Be Like

People are naturally afraid of anything that is new or different. It’s completely normal. When change feels overwhelming, it’s a good idea to recognize that there are many aspects of your life that are not changing. You will always have your trusted friends, family, abilities, talents etc. While one part of our life may be changing there are other parts that will be staying the same. Knowing this can be reassuring and may be just the foundation you need to step forward, towards your big vision.

Take a moment to honestly consider whether a fear of change is holding you back. Is there a happier, healthier, wealthier, calmer you out there waiting for you to take the necessary steps?  My next blog will address how you can overcome your fear of change so that you can truly experience how different your life can be.

I invite you to share your experience with worrying in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

How Soft Eyes Can Reduce the Feelings of Anxiety

I have vivid memories of my many heightened experiences with anxiety. Triggered by an event (which many times was outside of my awareness), my relentless negative self-talk would start up and be something I could not stop. Typically, it was worries of a negative outcome, a perceived failure or an anticipated altercation with someone. Certainly the thought, I’m not good enough, was at the centre of most of my internal dialogue.

Interestingly enough, when I felt anxious, I took on behaviour as if a real predator was actually threatening me. My eyes would dart back and forth, desperately looking for the danger. I was acting as if a prowling lion was stalking toward me. I have now learned that this is a completely normal behavioural response to feelings of fear or anxiety. This behaviour is hardwired into us; the mind cannot tell the difference between being scared due to an actual predator, or from something imagined.

After years of trying to manage my anxiety, I discovered if I defocused my eyes while experiencing anxiety my emotions would calm down. A wonderful sense of connection would begin and my heart rate would start to slow. I soon began to defocus my eyes at work, when I was feeling anxious, or at home when things got overwhelming. It was a great take along when I was on long flights to reduce any sense of nervousness.

Technique for Reducing Anxiety: Defocusing Your Eyes

Here is all you need to know to start doing this technique yourself. Pick an object to focus on somewhere near you. It can be anything, like a chair or book. The size or shape of the object doesn’t matter.

Next, stare at the object with all of your concentration. While you are staring, take note of what happens to the muscles in your face and also to your breathing. Then, instead of staring at the object, start to “look” at it, while allowing yourself to notice the other objects in the room without looking directly at them, and while maintaining your gaze on the primary object. What do you notice about your tension and your breathing? They have decreased, haven’t they?

You can use this technique anytime you feel overwhelming emotions creeping up and certainly if you struggle with anxiety. You will soon see that you can reduce the negative feelings within your body, allowing you to behave and think differently. And isn’t that all that we are searching for? An easy and healthy way to feel differently now!

I invite you to share your experience with worrying in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen