Podcast Highlights: The Psychological Edge

On Thursday, October 8th, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Alistair McBride for his podcast – Dealing with Goliath:  Psychological Edge for Business Leaders.  Al’s mission is to help sharpen the psychological edge in business leaders with skin in the game and who wants to be more effective under pressure, uncover hidden value, and increase profitability.  His podcast focuses on giving his listeners quick insights to boost their business performance by interviewing leaders in the area of mindset management. Here is a quick synopsis of the interview:

 

1. Who is your ideal client, what is their biggest challenge?

 

An ideal client is anyone who is smart and passionate, and who is going through a tough time. They also realize that they need to get past who they think they are and the way they have been conditioned to think to realize their dreams.  The biggest challenge for my clients is believing that they can be different because their experience with stress, worry, and anxiousness has been so pervasive.   For many, they have forgotten what it feels like to be their magnificent, productive, happy self.

 

2. What are the common mistakes people make when trying to solve that problem?

 

 The most common mistake people make is they focus only on the symptom of their anxiety, stress, or worry,  namely how they are feeling.  They work so hard to change how they feel, and in doing so, many have developed habits and coping skills that cost them dearly in time and money.  The root of their negative emotional state, their deep, unconscious beliefs, remains unchanged, and consequently the problem never really transforms.

 

3. What is one valuable free action that the audience can implement that will help with that issue?

 

The best advice I can give anyone on the spot is to become keenly aware and selective regarding where they put their attention.  I call it the currency of attention.  We are all careful and considerate with the currency of money and we only spend our money on things or experiences that give us joy or move us forward in life.  We all need to be just as diligent with our attention and considerate it also to be valuable as our money.  Put your attention only on things, experiences, and images that propel your life forward in a positive manner.

 

4. What is one valuable free resource that you can direct people to that will help with that issue?

 

On my website (itcanbedifferent.ca) I offer a free audio tool entitled Focus and Peace.  This is a 5-minute meditation that easily brings your attention back to now and stops you from experiencing negative emotions.  You will feel calmer and more centered instantly.

 

5. What’s the one question I should have asked you that would be of great value to our audience?

 

The one question that would be of most value is, “Can anyone achieve emotional freedom?”  The answer is yes.   Everyone is biologically set up to be whole which means not fighting with parts of themselves, not experiencing negativity, and instead fully moving towards a confident, progressing, affluent and peaceful life.  The roadblocks that have been hampering them in achieving that life so far have to do with how they have been conditioned. And since that was learned it can be unlearned.

 

To listen to the full interview with Alistair McBride, click below.

 

It’s time to remove the psychological edge by eliminating anxiousness, worry, and stress. Head to my website and request a complimentary consultation. Let’s chat about my proprietary coaching model, “Rewire Your Mind®, and how it can move you from stressing to progressing in as little as 3 months, guaranteed.

 

Combating Low Self-Esteem

Do you ever wish you felt better about yourself? Would you say that you have low self-esteem? Do you feel like you are constantly bombarded by upsetting thoughts? Mostly about yourself and your inability to get anything done or even started? If you have a history with anxiety then the answers to these questions are most likely yes.

What is common amongst people with low self-esteem is that they are generally motivated to avoid disappointment as opposed to focused on achievement. As a result, they get locked in inaction.

This inaction is often rooted in perfectionism because perfectionism encourages you look at what is wrong and not at what is going well. Perfectionism is toxic. It holds back anyone who wants to make a positive impact on their life, family, community, and the world.

Low self-esteem and perfectionism both sound like this: “I can’t look for my ideal job because I don’t think I am good enough.” Or perhaps, “I can’t start online dating because I haven’t lost those last 10 pounds.”

Low self-esteem and perfectionism are rooted in conditional statements like: I can’t do/have/be “X” because I am not “Y”. 

And here is the illusion – often the “Y” is something that can never be satisfactorily reached.  This is a self-sabotaging way to approach life and it keeps you stuck in low self-esteem and not achieving what you want in your life. It keeps you from getting what it is that you want out of life. It also proves day in and day out that you are right about being not good enough.

Ask Yourself

Here are some questions to ask yourself. Are you ready to be proven wrong on your opinion that you need to be perfect to start anything? Have you given that opinion enough of your time and energy yet? What if I told you that you can be right OR happy, healthy and wealthy?

So instead of looking for what is missing and feeling bad about that, why don’t you let go of the delusion that you should (or could) have all of your ducks in a row and feel the freedom, energy and hope that this change in thinking can bring. Take this new energy and focus it on taking up endeavours that bring you a real sense of achievement and happiness. And then, enjoy the sense of positive self-esteem growing because it is no longer hooked on the belief that why start because it will never be perfect enough anyway.

Let’s Connect

How can you practice imagination today?  What in your life can you build an imaginary story around?  What’s stopping you from imagining – nothing!

And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

To our Health and Wellbeing,

Karen

 

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The Secret to Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy.  Just ask anyone “what do you want most in life” and they will more than likely answer, “to be happy”. What is this happiness craze all about anyway and how do we go about being happy?

My Personal Struggle with Happiness

I have found myself caught up in the happiness craze.  I have spent lots of energy in the form of either time or money in the pursuit of it.  Often times, I thought that buying another pair of shoes will bring me happiness.  Or maybe losing the 10lbs of weight that has been hanging around my hips will make me happy.  Or better yet, maybe the next relationship will do it.

I have to say that each of those achievements did bring me some happiness however it was a fleeting experience.  It lasted for only short period of time and before long, I was right back feeling the same way I was before I either purchased the item, lost the weight, or started the relationship.

My Father’s Wise Words

I have come to realize that the best lesson on how to become and stay happy was being delivered every single day by my dad when I was growing up.  Obviously, living at home allowed me to see how my dad was but I never equated his behaviour and daily habits to why he was such a happy man.  Well, not until recently.

My dad was a man that did a few things really, really well and consistently and I think it was his formula for his happiness.  First of all, he was grateful every day for things that were in his life.  Often he would say things like, “I sure am a lucky guy”!  Was he saying this because he had the latest sports car or because we  just moved into a new, upgraded home.  No.  My family lived very modestly so it wasn’t riches and possessions that he was referring to.  My dad just felt truly appreciative  for everything he had in his life even if they were simple and inexpensive.

My dad made a habit out of making the same choice every single day and he did it before he got up in the morning.  I remember him talking to me about this  when I was a young girl. I didn’t really understand what he was getting at then, however now I see the true power in it.

He told me that every morning, before he put his feet on the floor to start his day he made a conscious choice to be happy.  He said that we all have the power to choose how we will approach the upcoming day, either with positivity or negativity.  He said that he always chose the positive option because it made the day go easier for both himself and everyone else.  He also said that choosing to be positive does not guarantee the day will go well, however “it sure increases the chances that it will”.  And you can’t argue with that logic!

Choose to be Happy

My dad and how he lived his life has shown me that it isn’t success that brings happiness per se but that happiness brings success regardless of how you define it.  Following a few key daily habits like counting your blessings and consciously choosing happiness as a way of being can propel anyone towards a much happier life and none of these things cost money and we can all choose to do them starting right now.

Even when money was tight at home or problems arose, my dad always seemed to be happy and content.  I know now that he wasn’t acting or just seeming to be happy, he truly was happy because he did a few simple yet conscious things every day that propelled him towards genuine lasting happiness.

Until Next Time

Watch for my next blog where I will talk about what formal research is telling us about how to achieve happiness.  I will share more strategies that, if practiced daily can make a significant, noticeable and measurable impact on how truly happy you feel each and every day. And as always, I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our Health and Wellbeing,

Karen

Why do we Self-Sabotage?

It has been a difficult start to 2019 for me.  

began the year doing all of the necessary things to ensure that I was starting off on the right foot – I set goals, I outlined strategies, I made detailed plans, and I landed on targets for both my personal and business life and yet…. for some reason, I have completely ignored my personal goals. I have been blocking myself from doing what it is that I want to do for my own health and well-being. My self-sabotaging behaviour, which has looked very much like shooting myself in my own foot, is preventing me from being my best, healthiest self.    

I am baffled as to why I am doing this kind of self-sabotage behaviour and I am also very interested and motivated to stop it. I know that one of the easiest ways to self-sabotage yourself is to NOT set clear, specific goals. Not having clarity or precision on where you are going allows you to convince yourself easily that your goal is not important. This however was not where I am letting myself down. I have clear and well-defined targets. So why am I not achieving them? After some reflection, I have come up with three reasons.  

I am doing too much 

I am realizing that I am doing too much as it relates to my commitments to others and therefore I am feeling like I am running on empty. I am putting myself last too often and when I have time for myself it consequently feels like a chore instead of something that is enjoyable and a well-deserved treat. 

I am over-blending 

When I am not working, I need to not work. When I am taking time off, I need to completely unplug, thus allowing myself the time and leisure to enjoy self-care. By taking up bits of time on my days off to fit in some work duties here and there, I am actually chewing into the opportunitfor me to explore what it is that I want to do for myself. What I want to do is not always obvious. Some days I want to go for a walk. Other days I want to visit a friend. Some days I want to go shopping or get myself to a yoga class. These decisions need to be fully explored and by jamming my off days with busy work at every opportunity, I am not giving myself the time to investigate.  

I am managing stuff that isn’t mine 

When I step outside of my own business and try to control things in other people’s lives, I start to feel disempowered. And rightfully so because outside of our own lives, I have no power to affect anything else. This activity is wasting my precious time and energy, and is leaving me depleted and not excited about doing anything for my own self-care.  

So with these revelations and the honest self-talk that comes with them,  I have decided to change my approach to my personal goals around self-care. I am going to set clear and consistent boundaries with others ensuring that I am preserving and protecting my energy and time. I am also going to begin to block off time and respect that it means that I am off of work completely. No more sneaking into my office to look at emails or complete a half-done article. And lastly, I am going to come back to my own business. I am going to focus only on things that are in my arena to manage – within my power to control like: my actions, my perspectives, and my attitudes. 

Are you self-sabotaging? Are you struggling with indulgences like procrastination, distraction, overwhelm? Can you realize that when we say we want something and we don’t make sure it happens we are only hurting ourselves and preventing our own greatness? 

You can also check out this great resource for more information watch the AHA Process to End Self Sabotage and learn how to stop self-sabotaging behavior.

I invite you to join in on the conversation on Facebook and Instagram 

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Take Your Power Back in The Digital Age

Am I addicted to my technology? It’s a question I asked myself the other day. I noticed that I was never without at least one device in my hands. The next question was why is that? And what reaction was it causing in me?

A Social Norm Gone Too Far?

As a society, we are tied to our devices, night and day. When was the last time you saw someone without their phone in their hand? Chiropractors are reporting an elevated rate of patients with neck problems due to the constant head down posture brought on by screen time. Now add on the general stress level of the times we are living in. Life is moving faster than ever before in history. Expected response times to emails have gone down, from a couple of days a decade ago to a couple of minutes today.

Humans can only absorb so much stress before it boils over, turning into anxiety. So, it is vital to learn what your warning signs are and understand your triggers.

Keeping Up with the Social Media Jones’

After recognizing that I was addicted to my technology, I also came to realize that it was a potential anxiety trigger for me. I noticed that when I would look at social media sites I tended to feel ‘less than.’ These feelings quite naturally increased my anxiety.

Recent studies have shown that over fifty-five per cent of people have a negative reaction when looking at pictures of others online. These images evoke feelings of jealousy, envy, low self-esteem and competitiveness. There is also an expectation to keep up with the latest viral sensations and live news reports, to stay ‘in the know.’ This ability to access news about disasters and death twenty-four hours a day easily heightens anxiety.

Take A Break

The first step is admitting you have a problem; the second is doing something about it. I decided to change my behaviour regarding my device use. I implemented a digital-free block of time in my day. I chose mornings. Instead of immediately turning on my phone or computer, I now focus on planning, creativity and meditation. This change has allowed me to enter the day more slowly, with my intention clearly set. What I find now is that I am no longer just responding all day long. Instead, I control where and how I show up online.

I have also reduced my exposure to online news. I take some time during my day to log into a trusted news source and simply scan the headlines. This still gives me an overview of international, national and local news without feeling bombarded. If there is a headline that draws my attention, either I’ll read it in the moment, or bookmark it for a later time. These few changes have made a significant difference in my level of productivity, as well as reducing my feelings of nervousness and impending anxiety.

You Can Do It Too

Remember, you can turn off your devices. You can take a break. You can stop texting, emailing, responding, tweeting, constantly scrolling and checking. Focus your attention instead on being present with your family, friends, pets, and neighbours. Your mood and close relationships will thank you. How you manage your online experience can be different, as early as tomorrow.

I invite you to share positive ways that you handle technology in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

Get Past Your Fear of Change

My last blog discussed why people are afraid of change. Why they opt to stay stuck, rather than push forward toward a new version of themselves. Feelings of discomfort, uncertainty, fear of criticism or failure were the main culprits. Now that we recognize why we resist change so much, the next question is how do we get past those feelings and start moving forward differently?

I have had some major times in my life where I knew that I needed to change, and change BIG, in order to get out of the mess I was in and to get to some place better. But I was scared of making those changes. I didn’t jump into the sea of change right away. I dodged and darted, avoiding what my intuition was telling me for months, even years. It was only when my life got so unhappy and unbearable that I accepted the challenge to make changes. I highly recommend not waiting to embrace change until life gets overwhelming like I did. It leads to chaos, many sleepless nights, and unrelenting anxiety.

I realize that choosing to stay right where you are, doing exactly what you’ve been doing, can provide temporary relief. You won’t need to worry about all of the “what-if…” scenarios. You won’t have the unknown future staring you in the face. But, if you never embrace change, especially the changes you know deep in your heart you need to make, then you will never know what might have been. And isn’t that scarier than the fear of change?

I have listed below six steps that will help you face change more easily in your life.

Embrace Risk

If you spend your life playing it safe, sticking to what you know, then your future will simply replay your past. Your future will be predictable and repeating. If, however, you dream of better or different, then see the risk as something that will enhance  your life. This different perspective can be hugely motivating and exhilarating. It can even open up space for change in your life.

Establish a Strategy

All good plans need a strategy. A strategy will make you feel comfortable about the course that you have chosen. Being prepared is necessary for all success in life.

Seek Advice (From the Right People!)

Find someone who has made changes in their life, especially if they are similar changes (ie. career changes, relationship changes). Ask them specifically why they made the change, how they did it, and how it made them feel. And then for the big question – ask them what they would they have done differently?

Put Your Supports in Place

One of the best ways to overcome the fear of change is to surround yourself with cheerleaders. People that are positive, inspiring and empowering. Reduce your time with the naysayers and Negative Nellies. To be successful, positive reinforcement and people who are authentically excited to hear about your journey can go a long way.

For Goodness Sake Don’t Look Back!

You are using your energy to build a new reality, looking back at how things used to be, does not allow for that muscle to develop. Looking back leads to second guessing and feelings of uncertainty. Stay away from analyzing what was. Focus on the goal of what you want and what will be.

Patience is a Virtue

Sometimes we want everything right away. Recognize that growth is an evolution, and it doesn’t happen overnight.

I have learned in my life that we are not dropped onto the perfect path. Sometimes we need to find our own way. The growth that comes from that journey and search can be the biggest reward ever. Combating the fear of change can be difficult. But don’t let that fear be the thing that holds you back from a life better than you could ever imagine.

I invite you to share your experience of overcoming the fear of change in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen

My New Favorite List – A List of Accomplishments!

August is here already

Did you wake up last week like, “How has over half of the year already passed?” Did you have a bit of a panic regarding all the things you wanted to accomplish in 2018 that don’t seem to be hitting the finish line? Well, I did.  I have big plans for this year, which is very exciting and sometimes frightening. I live however, by the mantra, if you don’t have a goal, you can be certain you won’t achieve it. So, why not put it out there? Put that dream, accomplishment, or achievement on a piece of paper (yes, I’m still old school) and go for it.

I often think of hockey players and wonder if they could stay motivated and driven to play their very best if they were just shooting and passing the puck around. What if there was no net, no goal, no point to be earned? Once you stick that net on the ice, there is a whole new motivation. So, my goalie net is my to do list.

And now for a confession. I love, love, love crossing things off my list! I love the feel of the big black sharpie (yes, I use a sharpie!) making a thick, black horizontal line across the page. I also love the sense of accomplishment and completion when this is done. I’ll let you in on a little secret … sometimes, I put things on my list I’ve already completed just so I can cross them off. Wow, that was huge for me to admit!

It’s the Journey, Not the Destination that is Important

The other day I was thinking about my lists, and where I’ve gotten with them so far this year and I had an epiphany. I had totally forgotten that it is about the journey and not the destination. I hadn’t taken any time to celebrate what I had already completed.  I had simply dismissed my accomplishments. I had written them off, forgotten about them.  I wasn’t feeling gratitude for what had already transpired. And then I remembered, if I want more black sharpie lines on my many lists I need to STOP focusing on what is next, and START feeling appreciative for what I’ve already done. I needed to remind myself that gratitude is the strongest form of sustaining momentum and flow.

List of Accomplishments

Now I am attempting to balance the attention I give to upcoming duties, tasks, goals and the things that I’ve already succeeded at. How? I decided to start a list of my accomplishments! Instead of drawing a thick, black line through what I’ve completed, so that it is blacked out and unable to be seen, I transfer this item to a new, fresh list posted on my wall. My list of accomplishments. And then I take time everyday to look at this list and feel grateful for having the energy, ability, attention, intention and dedication to accomplish it all. This has made a huge difference in how I feel most of the time.

So instead of feeling panic about the fact that over half of the year has passed by, I feel masterful, talented and confident that in the upcoming months I will add more and more items to my new favourite list.

I still make ‘to do’ lists at a ridiculous rate, and I still love doing so, but my accomplishment list has also made it into my heart.  I see the power that it can have in moving me forward. Just as energy brings about more energy, I like to think that accomplishments brings about more accomplishments.

 

What have you accomplished this year that you can celebrate?  It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, I would love to hear from you in the comments below!

 

I invite you to share your experience with worrying in the comments. You can also join in the conversation on Facebook and Instagram for inspiration.

To our health and wellbeing,

Karen